Hit By a Bus

I stayed home from work today, and I most likely will be home on Tuesday. Seems that the virus playing ping-pong between my family members finally hit me in the head. I kind of feel like I was hit by a bus.

Which makes me wonder about that expression. I've been in many business continuity meetings where we have discussed the transfer of work in the case that a crucial member of the team is not available. We ALWAYS discuss this as, "What should we do if you were hit by a bus?"

Is there a psychotic bus driver somewhere out there taking out crucial members of project teams? Does he or she have a master list of critical project personnel?

"Oh, there is Drake. His job is redundant. He can live. But wait...there's Dan! He's the only person on the team who knows SPSS. He's mine!" SWERRRRRVVVE!

Who is this madman, and can he be stopped? What does she have against project-oriented business? It sounds like something straight out of Dilbert. Which means, if it turns up on Dilbert, remember you saw it here first.

The Mistress of Spices

I have to admit that I’m a pretty big Aishwarya Rai fan. I think she is a fine actress and an excellent dancer. Okay, fine. I also agree with Roger Ebert who commented that the former Miss World is, “not only the first but also the second most beautiful woman in the world.” She makes bad Bollywood movies bearable and good Bollywood movies that much better. She walks onto the screen, and even my wife stops staring at Sharuch Khan, if only for a minute, to watch her. When Harpers and Queen back in 2005 dropped her from “most beautiful woman in the world” to ninth place directly after Kate Moss, I was convinced it was proof that the last vestiges of sanity had finally been ripped away from global civilization. This is all a very long-winded way of saying that Aishwarya has my complete and total attention in any movie that she stars in.

So, I was very surprised last weekend when I watched her 2005 movie “The Mistress of Spices” and found that I was watching the spices nearly as much as I was watching her. In fact, I would argue that the spices were a distinct character in the film: a sexy, sensual, and utterly fascinating character.

The movie is a romantic drama based on the novel by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni. It stars Aishwarya Rai Bachchan (sorry, guys, she’s married), Dylan McDermott, and a shop full of exotic spices. Aishwarya plays Tilo, an Indian woman who was blessed as a child with a sort of second-sight future-telling ESP vibe. When bandits looking to use her gifts for their own ill-gotten gains kill her parents and kidnap her, she escapes and ends up on a shoreline where an old woman is teaching young women to be “mistresses of spices.” In this religious order/coven/cult, the women learn the secrets of spices, where the spices come from, how they are grown, and how they are used to heal and influence people. I could go on for paragraphs on this back story, not because it took up much time in the film, but because I found the whole concept fascinating. Spices are not just culinary, but also medical, botanical, and most definitely magical.

As a grown woman, Tilo is sent to San Francisco to runs a spice shop called the Spice Bazaar. As a mistress of spices, her mission is to help her clients accomplish their desires with the spices. However, there are rules. She must never use the spices to accomplish her own desires, she must never leave the store, and she must never touch another person’s skin. Her eclectic customers include a grandfather (played by Anupam Kher being as grandfatherly as always) trying to come to terms with his decidedly NON-traditional granddaughter, an Indian-Muslim taxi driver trying to better his socio-economic status, and a handsome Nigerian man who is learning exotic Indian cooking to impress his girlfriend. All is good until a brooding American architect ends up in her shop after a motorcycle accident (Dylan McDermott at his most McDermottish), and she suddenly has the urge to break all three rules at once. As she ends up breaking each rule (no touching, no leaving, no personal fun with the spices), the luck of her patrons starts to change for the worse, and she faces the horrible possibility of losing her intimacy with the spices forever.

That’s all I’m going to tell you of the plot. It’s a romantic drama, not a romantic tragedy, so you know that somehow the guy and girl are going to get together at the end. However, like every good amusement park ride, the fun is not in the destination but in the journey.

And then there are the spices. Ah, yes, the spices. Director Paul Mayeda Berges uses them to amazing effect. The spices are at once exciting, erotic, and sensual. As the camera pans through the shop, you can smell each spice. As Tilo chops the red chilis, you can feel your eyes water. As she crushes the cardamom, you can feel the warmth on your skin. And when she lets the sesame seeds cascade over her hand...well, OK, I was watching Aishwarya once again.

The Mistress of Spices is not a fast-paced film. There are no explosions, no Bollywood dance numbers, and very little comedic banter. However, the movie is a feast for the senses both visually and emotionally. Like any good feast, the movie must be savored slowly.

And now, I have an incredible craving for palak paneer.

Roy Scheider (1932-2008) o.b.m.

On Sunday, Roy Scheider died at the age of 75 after battling multiple myeloma for several years. Since I have long been a fan of Scheider's work, and I have a very personal interest in multiple myeloma treatment, I took more than a passing interest in his obituaries.

Most of the articles cited his role in Jaws as the police chief with the immortal line, "You're gonna need a bigger boat." Fewer remember his wonderful role as a pill-popping, Bob Fosse-type choreographer in "All That Jazz." To me, "All That Jazz" was his greatest work, partly because of his quotable line, "Showtime!" but mostly because throughout the entire picture, you completely forget that the choreographer NEVER DANCES. Only a true actor can pull off a mind trick like that.

I was a big fan of SeaQuest DSV, at least I was during its first season before it got...well...bad. Scheider lent an air of respectability to the show and raised it from an uninspiring sci-fi knock-off, to a fun, fascinating, scientific, and almost complex show. When the producers started to mess with the quality and format of the show, Scheider had the good sense to leave.

I never saw his stagework, which (from what I have read) was superb. In the 80's, he costarred with Raul Julia and Blythe Danner in one of my favorite plays, Betrayal by Harold Pinter. I really, really, really hope that someone filmed his performance, and that a bootleg copy is floating around eBay somewhere. Julia, Danner, and Scheider on the stage together...it just doesn't get any better than that.

I will miss Scheider's many flawed yet extremely likeable characters. Luckily, NetFlix carries most of his works. So, if you'll excuse me, I've got some movies to add to my queue.

Note: According to his fansite, in lieu of flowers, the family requested memorial donations to the Myeloma Institute of Research and Therapy at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences.

Two Interesting Articles That Just Came Through My Email

My friend Kelly Coleman spends much of his time scanning the blogosphere daily (hourly?) and forwarding to his friends and colleagues those articles and blogs that he finds the most interesting. That the articles are all progressive in nature is totally coincidental...as is the fact that his mailing list is called the DFL Newsgroup. (For those of you outside of Minnesota, that stands for "Democratic-Farm-Labor"...but I digress...)

Today he forwarded two very interesting articles that I feel are worth passing along.

The first is an article by Governor Eliot Spitzer of New York in the Washington Post.
Predatory Lenders' Partner in Crime
For those of you (like me, I fear) who don't fully understand how the subprime lending crisis happened, he explains that the attorneys general from all 50 states tried to fight the predatory lending practices, and were completely stymied by the Bush administration. It's an interesting article from a well-respected governor.

The second article comes from P.M. Carpenter's blog.
For McCain, From Bad Dreams to Nightmares -- Courtesy Barack Obama
I like Carpenter's writings, but this article seemed to stand out above his other commentaries. He explains how McCain and the Republicans are now complaining that Obama is only mouthing platitudes...when that's EXACTLY what the Republican party has been doing for the last 60 years. It's a classic case of (and do forgive me for saying this) the pot calling the kettle black.

Talmudic Toddler

My wife Shirah reminded me this evening of an incident that happened nine years ago, when Omri was one years old. Omri wasn't speaking yet, at least not beyond, "Hi!" Most of his vocalizations were of the "Da da da da!!!" variety.

One morning, Omri decided that Mama had slept long enough, and he started voicing his opinion that she should get her lazy tuchus out of bed and come release him from the confines of the crib ("Da da da da!") Shirah staggered into his room, and groggily said, "Omri, it's WAY too early to get up." Omri very deliberately pointed at the window to show her the sunlight pouring through. Even though he couldn't yet talk, he was clearly saying, "Look at the sunlight. If there is sunlight, it must be time to get up."

Shirah later said that it was the most eloquent Talmudic argument without words that she had ever heard.

Happy Birthday Omri!

Yesterday was Omri's birthday. He is ten years old. I am now the father of a decade-old child.

I think I need to sit down now.